The Road Not Taken: Revisiting My College Essay from 2012

I consider myself a jack of all trades rather than a master of one. Growing up, I had a variety of interests, with astrophysics being one of the most prominent. In fact, during 7th grade, I would often tell people that I wanted to become a physicist. At that time, I dreamt of pursuing my undergraduate studies in international institutions, drawn to the diverse opportunities and cultures these countries offered. While researching universities, I discovered that the application process required writing a personal essay. Being a writer and a poet, I got fascinated by the idea. I even started drafting a few essays, one of which I was able to dig up and revisit years later.

Reading that essay from 2012 was a deeply enriching experience. It allowed me to reflect on how far I’ve come in my journey, how much I’ve changed, and how much I’ve grown. It makes me feel extremely grateful. It reminded me of a young version of myself, filled with dreams, ideas, and a sense of unshakable certainty that life would unfold in exactly the way I imagined. I wrote that essay with passion, imagining myself as a future physicist, exploring the chaotic beauty of the universe.

But life, as it often does, surprised me with challenges. A couple of years after writing this essay, I slowly came to the realization that my family wasn’t financially equipped to send me abroad to study. It wasn’t a sudden shock. I learned it slowly over the years. So, I adapted to the idea of having to do my undergraduate studies in India.

Over the years, I also slowly developed an interest in computer science. Though I initially aimed for a degree in it, my SAT Subject Test scores didn’t align with my goals. As a result, I chose Electrical and Electronics Engineering instead. Fortunately, I was accepted into a prestigious institution—an NIT (National Institute of Technology).

It was here where I was thrown into the real world. Being independent was easy; I made new friends, traveled, and enjoyed a vibrant social life. But my academic path in electrical engineering didn’t ignite the same passion as computer science. I found myself deeply unhappy and unable to see a way forward in a field I didn’t care for. As a result, I slowly slipped into depression and failed four subjects. It was a dark and difficult time!

Looking back at those days, I don’t feel any regret. Those dark days contributed so much to who I am right now. For a kid who was a high achiever in school, failing a subject meant the end of the world. Right now, I know for a fact that it is okay to fail, and it is never the end of the world. Had I not been through that phase, I doubt I’d be the same confident person I am now.

I had immense support from family, friends, and my professors. They convinced me that I could still pursue a career in computer science without having to have an undergrad degree in it. And that is exactly what I’m doing right now. I’m a proud Software Engineer.

When I read that essay, I feel a mix of empathy and admiration for that kid I once was. He was full of hope and idealism, unaware of what was coming. But I wouldn’t want to time travel and warn him. He had to go through those struggles to become who I am today—someone who is confident, resilient, and unafraid to embrace change.

That kid was innocent, naive, and dream-driven in ways I envy. I also envy the fascination with which he would look at stars. I'm working on finding a way to bring it back, although I'm equally fascinated by other things as well.

There are definitely places where he has evolved. He’s learned not to just fantasize about things. He’s also developed the skills needed to turn his ideas into reality. As a result, he’s been able to implement projects that not only benefit him personally but also have a positive impact on those around him. Additionally, I’m proud of his openness to criticism and feedback, something he lacked earlier, but now embraces as an essential part of his growth.

Moreover, he’s come to understand the importance of financial independence—not just for the security it provides, but for the confidence it instills in him to pursue his goals without hesitation. Apart from these soft skills, he has also evolved in many aspects of his life in the last decade. As a poet, he focuses more on meanings and metaphors rather than mere rhyme schemes. As a screenwriter, he focuses more on character development rather than plot twists. Finally, as a techie, he’s gone from using Google to ChatGPT to Ollama (an open-source alternative to ChatGPT). As he’s grown, so has his family. Thanks to hard work and persistence, we are finally in a position where we can make his childhood dream a reality.

Revisiting that essay has reminded me that while the specifics of my goals may have changed, the core philosophies I wrote about remain constant. Replacing “physics” with “computer science” and “physicist” with “techie” would make the essay just as relevant today. The same curiosity, the same drive to make an impact, and the same willingness to embrace chaos as a force for good continue to define who I am. In the end, the road I took may not have been the one I initially envisioned, but it has brought me exactly where I need to be. And I’m proud of the person I’ve become along the way.

The Essay from 2012

The Universe is the most chaotic and enigmatic entity that has ever existed and will exist in space and time. The theories of Thermodynamics state that chaos is preferred to maintain stability. And I strongly believe that chaos is the precursor to order. But chaos shouldn’t be mistaken for evil or destructive activities. Whatever has happened, is happening, and will happen in the universe is chaos. The creation of human beings was chaos, maybe an accident to increase the cause. Human intellect is chaos. But interestingly, there exists a discipline that beautifully describes and manipulates disorder. The day I got this revelation was the day I realized my ambition and the day I planned to be the most chaotic physicist the universe has witnessed.

But unlike the other chaotic physicists who try to understand the chaos and its origin, my interests are to enjoy it and manipulate it to enhance the lifestyle of human beings. And obviously, unlike the others, physics is not something I’d die for, but it is one of the reasons I’d like to live for. Poetry, prose, oration, and stage performance are some other disciplines that I’m a little less chaotically passionate about. But an already chaotic society which prefers to increase the chaos by judging an individual with his grades or marks is definitely not the one suitable for me. This is one such case where I’d like to be less chaotic. Hence, I prefer to move to a place which is comparatively less chaotic, and a place where the society does not expect certain traits in an individual that decide his personality or success rate. And definitely a place which does not expect us to run on a race track defined by society but enables us to run, jog, or walk in walking tracks laid by us.